My name is Retard

Hello.
I'm undergoing remodeling and sense will not be found near here very often.

crapiblinked:

why does everything in fandoms have to revolve around ships

like does the plot bore you

are you that starving for romantic relationships

why can’t you just… you know storyline

(via walkingmyhellhound)

1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.

4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

Sixteen Small Steps to Happiness  (via pigmenting)

(via anywigwilldo)

amaeza:

untruc:

amaeza:

you know, i’m a raging lesbian and i was never distracted by what other girls in my classes were wearing in high school. this is a male problem, not an “attracted to women” problem.

This is an “inability to respect women” problem.

Which is a male problem.

(Source: amaezo, via delreysdiamonds)

…what do you mean I’m not studying for my exam?!

…what do you mean I’m not studying for my exam?!

gracethelostgirl:

how did rabbit not end up murdering people

(Source: -everdeen, via anywigwilldo)

“Boys will be boys”

If you ever say that - I’ll have to punch you in the mouth you stupid fuck.

recoveryofabrokenteen:

portraitsofboston:

“Hey man, take my picture!”
“I can’t do it. It’s too dark.”
“Yeah, we need some light. Let’s go over there.”
“Are you homeless?”
“Yes, I am.”
“How long have you been homeless?”
“15 years. I’ve been in Boston 8 months. Before that I was in Washington, Virginia, New York, Philadelphia, Louisiana, Florida…”
“Why didn’t you stay in Florida? It’s so much warmer.”
“I wanted to see my family. But they don’t want to see me. They don’t understand depression. They treat me like dirt. Homeless people treat me better than my family.”
“And what happened 15 years ago? How did you end up on the streets?”
“I tried to burn myself twice. I had 30 surgeries. I was dead two times, but God brought me back. I don’t know why.”
“And why did you do it?”
“I was depressed. Why you crying?”
“Because you are a beautiful person, and my family is really messed up, and I’ve been very depressed. I think I can understand you.”
“Yes, I am a good person. And when you take people’s pictures, don’t disrespect them.”
“No, man, I won’t. I like people. That’s why I take their pictures.”
“And when you make your portfolio, don’t denigrate people. Let the pictures speak for themselves.”
“I will. Are you safe on the streets?”
“Yes, I am…And now I have $8 to buy me some food.”
“That’s all I have. Next time I see you, I will give you more.”
“No, man. It ain’t all about money. Give me a hug. And next time you see me, give me a hug again. And thanks for taking my picture.”

(via
TumbleOn)

This sort of made me cry *hides in blanket*

recoveryofabrokenteen:

portraitsofboston:

“Hey man, take my picture!”

“I can’t do it. It’s too dark.”

“Yeah, we need some light. Let’s go over there.”

“Are you homeless?”

“Yes, I am.”

“How long have you been homeless?”

“15 years. I’ve been in Boston 8 months. Before that I was in Washington, Virginia, New York, Philadelphia, Louisiana, Florida…”

“Why didn’t you stay in Florida? It’s so much warmer.”

“I wanted to see my family. But they don’t want to see me. They don’t understand depression. They treat me like dirt. Homeless people treat me better than my family.”

“And what happened 15 years ago? How did you end up on the streets?”

“I tried to burn myself twice. I had 30 surgeries. I was dead two times, but God brought me back. I don’t know why.”

“And why did you do it?”

“I was depressed. Why you crying?”

“Because you are a beautiful person, and my family is really messed up, and I’ve been very depressed. I think I can understand you.”

“Yes, I am a good person. And when you take people’s pictures, don’t disrespect them.”

“No, man, I won’t. I like people. That’s why I take their pictures.”

“And when you make your portfolio, don’t denigrate people. Let the pictures speak for themselves.”

“I will. Are you safe on the streets?”

“Yes, I am…And now I have $8 to buy me some food.”

“That’s all I have. Next time I see you, I will give you more.”

“No, man. It ain’t all about money. Give me a hug. And next time you see me, give me a hug again. And thanks for taking my picture.”

(via

This sort of made me cry *hides in blanket*

(via walkingmyhellhound)

fandom-mused-fandom-games:

1 note = 1 pixel for your fandom’s symbol (shown above) in an art piece I’m making
If you would like to see all of the fandoms, look through these posts
IF YOU DON’T SEE YOUR FANDOM, send me a message saying what fandoms I missed and I’ll add them
If you would like to know more about the project, read this post
FOLLOW ME TO KEEP UPDATED ON THE PROJECT/SEE THE FINISHED PROJECT

fandom-mused-fandom-games:

1 note = 1 pixel for your fandom’s symbol (shown above) in an art piece I’m making

If you would like to see all of the fandomslook through these posts

IF YOU DON’T SEE YOUR FANDOMsend me a message saying what fandoms I missed and I’ll add them

If you would like to know more about the project, read this post

FOLLOW ME TO KEEP UPDATED ON THE PROJECT/SEE THE FINISHED PROJECT

(via ultimapanda)

picassojawbone:

this show is for little kids but it is the funniest shit I have ever seen

THIS FUCKING EPISODE ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY YOU FUCK!
Thank you, FUCKER, for bringing back ALL MY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA!
God fuck that FUCKING sealion or WHATEVER the FUCK that monster is.

picassojawbone:

this show is for little kids but it is the funniest shit I have ever seen

THIS FUCKING EPISODE ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY YOU FUCK!

Thank you, FUCKER, for bringing back ALL MY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA!

God fuck that FUCKING sealion or WHATEVER the FUCK that monster is.

(Source: creepyweirdcartoons, via kibblestan)

bridgemcgidge:

shercockandmycrotch:


everyone needs a waving snail on their blog

i feel that if I scroll past this and don’t reblog it the snail is going to look to the ground and cry

that comment
im sold
gotta do it now

..yeah.. such an innocent snail.. *cough*

bridgemcgidge:

shercockandmycrotch:

everyone needs a waving snail on their blog

i feel that if I scroll past this and don’t reblog it the snail is going to look to the ground and cry

that comment

im sold

gotta do it now

..yeah.. such an innocent snail.. *cough*

(Source: jetstreak, via anywigwilldo)









Once upon a midnight DEAL WITH IT.

I give a fuck, nevermore.

merely a bro, nothing more.

#suddenly there came a swagging as of someone gangsta rapping #rapping at my chamber door

Quoth the raven, “Swag galore”



#edgar allan bro

And my mom still doesn’t get why tumblr is so fucking amazing.

Once upon a midnight DEAL WITH IT.

I give a fuck, nevermore.

merely a bro, nothing more.

#suddenly there came a swagging as of someone gangsta rapping #rapping at my chamber door

Quoth the raven, “Swag galore”

image

#edgar allan bro

And my mom still doesn’t get why tumblr is so fucking amazing.

(Source: venusaurphobia, via ultimapanda)

thehobbitcompilationblog:

idareu2bme:

stut—ter:

idareu2bme:

lokidindeed:

i-deduce-youre-a-bitch:

YOU NIQQAS WANNA LEARN ELVISH?! HERE YA GO!

is this legit?

This is legit. My husband, sitting across the room, looks over and says, “IS THAT SOMEONE SHOWING HOW TO CONVERT ENGLISH TO TENGWAR?  BECAUSE THAT’S THE WAY!”

Believe this man.  He owns atlases of Middle Earth, the complete history of Middle Earth (leatherbound), and has read the books at least 150 times.  Also: speaks elvish.

Yes.

What if there are two vowels in a row?

Does anyone know the answer to that last question?

(via anywigwilldo)

superhighschoolleveluguu:

snug-ler:

D̜̪͎̏ͭ́͜Ĭ̴͍̅͝D̴̬̯̎ͪ̿ͧ͋ͩ ̵̡̫̭͇̼͈̰̊ͧ̏ͬ̊̆̔ͅY̨̪̻̫̣̒̓͟O̗̞͚͕̞͋̈̏ͫ̒ͫ͠͞U̢̫̲͈̫̙̣̺ͣͨ̋̓̔́͞ ̭͖͚̗̎̉̿̀̚͡Ç̱͖̃̎ͣ̉̓U̸̢̦͎͎̝ͩ̑̆͌ͮͫ͛͗T̺̬̹͇̳̔ͮ̄̓ͭͧ͋ͯ̀ ̷̢̛̻͈̬̲̦̀̔̅ͣͥ̌̀Dͦͬ͏̨̖̩O͕͎̝̣̰̟ͥ͋ͩ͌ͣ̕͟W̭̳̦͓͓͇̝ͯͬ̌͢Ņ͖͕͕͎͖̠̗̃̒̂̔́ ̸̲̫̘̫̜̣͎̈ͣͧ̎̒ͭͣ͟Ţ̦̝͖̪͎̘͔͑̑̈͒̀ͫH̡͙̖͍͛̎̎̓ͧͩ̔Iͯ̌͂̾͌͂͏̷̜̬͎͕Ş̧̘͈̻̃ͭͫ͘ ̺̘̝̩̩ͯ́ͅT͙̱͓̖̪ͮͯͭ̔͑̚͜ͅR̦̬͍̫̬̺̜̖̳͗̈́ͮ͢͡Ĕ҉̤̟̞̱̠̜̭̯͘Ȅ̴̖̺̼͇̞͙̗̗ͩͨͩ̓̋̎?̵̜̫̜͇̩̪͓̙͎ͧͨ̈́̓͋

fUCKING HELL

I can’t breathe!

superhighschoolleveluguu:

snug-ler:

D̜̪͎̏ͭ́͜Ĭ̴͍̅͝D̴̬̯̎ͪ̿ͧ͋ͩ ̵̡̫̭͇̼͈̰̊ͧ̏ͬ̊̆̔ͅY̨̪̻̫̣̒̓͟O̗̞͚͕̞͋̈̏ͫ̒ͫ͠͞U̢̫̲͈̫̙̣̺ͣͨ̋̓̔́͞ ̭͖͚̗̎̉̿̀̚͡Ç̱͖̃̎ͣ̉̓U̸̢̦͎͎̝ͩ̑̆͌ͮͫ͛͗T̺̬̹͇̳̔ͮ̄̓ͭͧ͋ͯ̀ ̷̢̛̻͈̬̲̦̀̔̅ͣͥ̌̀Dͦͬ͏̨̖̩O͕͎̝̣̰̟ͥ͋ͩ͌ͣ̕͟W̭̳̦͓͓͇̝ͯͬ̌͢Ņ͖͕͕͎͖̠̗̃̒̂̔́ ̸̲̫̘̫̜̣͎̈ͣͧ̎̒ͭͣ͟Ţ̦̝͖̪͎̘͔͑̑̈͒̀ͫH̡͙̖͍͛̎̎̓ͧͩ̔Iͯ̌͂̾͌͂͏̷̜̬͎͕Ş̧̘͈̻̃ͭͫ͘ ̺̘̝̩̩ͯ́ͅT͙̱͓̖̪ͮͯͭ̔͑̚͜ͅR̦̬͍̫̬̺̜̖̳͗̈́ͮ͢͡Ĕ҉̤̟̞̱̠̜̭̯͘Ȅ̴̖̺̼͇̞͙̗̗ͩͨͩ̓̋̎?̵̜̫̜͇̩̪͓̙͎ͧͨ̈́̓͋

fUCKING HELL

I can’t breathe!

(Source: shwlg, via anywigwilldo)

person: do u want to hang out
me: i have to ask my mom
me: *doesn't ask her*
me: she said no

the-platonic-blow:

(x)

I’m watching this show.. and I’m Danish.. and Mads Mikkelsen is Danish.. and his English is so.. HORRIBLE! I can’t for the life of me understand what he’s saying.

It’s really sad because other than that is a really great show! :(

(via ultimapanda)